








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 15 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
291 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,394 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 478 | 20% |
| Smokes | 568 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 685 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 663 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $233,662 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 239 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jas | 57% | 7 |
| #2 | Zplit | 46% | 24 |
| #3 | Pappi Den Talende Papkontainer | 41% | 64 |
| #4 | homas04 | 38% | 55 |
| #5 | Jens Sørensen | 35% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | homas04 | 9 | 0.0082 |
| #2 | Pappi Den Talende Papkontainer | 7 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | Jas | 3 | 0.0242 |
| #4 | Jens Sørensen | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Zplit | 1 | 0.0021 |





