








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 337 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Premier | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
773 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,352 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1285 | 38% |
| Smokes | 916 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 837 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 314 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $481,564 of utility $157 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 705 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fitzy | 56% | 9 |
| #2 | SQUID is Fine as Wine | 47% | 32 |
| #3 | lizalica | 45% | 86 |
| #4 | grossnicklej | 42% | 118 |
| #5 | BananasInMyButtHole | 25% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | lizalica | 45% | 86 |
| #4 | grossnicklej | 42% | 118 |
| #5 | BananasInMyButtHole | 25% | 12 |
| #6 | Bowser | 25% | 32 |
| #7 | Platinum | 17% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lizalica | 25 | 0.0157 |
| #2 | Bowser | 14 | 0.0224 |
| #3 | SQUID is Fine as Wine | 10 | 0.0169 |
| #4 | grossnicklej | 7 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | BananasInMyButtHole | 4 | 0.0182 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lizalica | 443 | 0.28 | 12 min |
| #2 | SQUID is Fine as Wine | 120 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #3 | Bowser | 117 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #4 | grossnicklej | 72 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #5 | Fitzy | 44 | 0.26 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bowser | +6.54 | 88 | 53 |
| #2 | Fitzy | +1.27 | 79 | 45 |
| #3 | lizalica | +1.04 | 25 | 61 |
| #4 | SQUID is Fine as Wine | -1.07 | 31 | 51 |
| #5 | Platinum | -1.40 | 73 | 11 |





