








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 15 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 4 different maps




Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
151 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 406 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 82 | 20% |
| Smokes | 13 | 3% |
| HE Grenades | 260 | 64% |
| Molotovs | 51 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $6,409 of utility $10 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | comet | 75% | 4 |
| #2 | Bowser | 36% | 28 |
| #3 | SQUID is Fine as Wine | 33% | 12 |
| #4 | Platinum | 31% | 13 |
| #5 | grossnicklej | 28% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | SQUID is Fine as Wine | 33% | 12 |
| #4 | Platinum | 31% | 13 |
| #5 | grossnicklej | 28% | 25 |
| #6 | lizalica | 25% | 4 |
| #7 | Shark ^_^ | 25% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bowser | 8 | 0.0150 |
| #2 | SQUID is Fine as Wine | 5 | 0.0210 |
| #3 | Platinum | 3 | 0.0114 |
| #4 | grossnicklej | 1 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | lizalica | 1 | 0.0127 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bowser | 98 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #2 | SQUID is Fine as Wine | 38 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #3 | Shark ^_^ | 17 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #4 | lizalica | 12 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| #5 | comet | 11 | 0.13 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bowser | +6.78 | 90 | 52 |
| #2 | Platinum | -0.23 | 64 | 10 |
| #3 | SQUID is Fine as Wine | -0.28 | 43 | 57 |
| #4 | grossnicklej | -0.64 | 46 | 20 |
| #5 | comet | -0.81 | 58 | 22 |





