








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 37 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
349 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 192 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 71 | 37% |
| Smokes | 62 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 39 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 20 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $164,848 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BananasInMyButtHole | 31% | 13 |
| #2 | lizalica | 28% | 25 |
| #3 | SQUID is Fine as Wine | 20% | 15 |
| #4 | grossnicklej | 19% | 32 |
| #5 | Shark ^_^ | 17% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | lizalica | 28% | 25 |
| #3 | SQUID is Fine as Wine | 20% | 15 |
| #4 | grossnicklej | 19% | 32 |
| #5 | Shark ^_^ | 17% | 18 |
| #6 | Bowser | 14% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bowser | 11 | 0.0259 |
| #2 | lizalica | 6 | 0.0125 |
| #3 | SQUID is Fine as Wine | 6 | 0.0197 |
| #4 | BananasInMyButtHole | 6 | 0.0228 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lizalica | 103 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #2 | Bowser | 69 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #3 | SQUID is Fine as Wine | 52 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #4 | Shark ^_^ | 36 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | BananasInMyButtHole | 20 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bowser | +4.29 | 85 | 57 |
| #2 | lizalica | -0.35 | 28 | 52 |
| #3 | grossnicklej | -0.41 | 50 | 19 |
| #4 | Platinum | -1.45 | 70 | 12 |
| #5 | SQUID is Fine as Wine | -2.78 | 50 | 51 |





