








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 54 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 130 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1431 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,020 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2417 | 40% |
| Smokes | 1149 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 823 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 1631 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $319,260 of utility $79 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Olaf The Snowman | 43% | 23 |
| #2 | Jake Ferman | 42% | 36 |
| #3 | эки | 41% | 41 |
| #4 | työmies | 35% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Olaf The Snowman | 43% | 23 |
| #2 | Jake Ferman | 42% | 36 |
| #3 | эки | 41% | 41 |
| #4 | työmies | 35% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | эки | 12 | 0.0134 |
| #2 | Olaf The Snowman | 6 | 0.0123 |
| #3 | Jake Ferman | 5 | 0.0064 |
| #4 | työmies | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | эки | 340 | 0.38 | 11 min |
| #2 | Olaf The Snowman | 109 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #3 | Jake Ferman | 91 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | työmies | 90 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | эки | +2.91 | 70 | 75 |
| #2 | Jake Ferman | +1.78 | 71 | 59 |
| #3 | Olaf The Snowman | +0.54 | 59 | 63 |
| #4 | HAYPOLE aka HEINÄSEIVÄS | -0.52 | 61 | 64 |
| #5 | työmies | -1.23 | 40 | 58 |





