








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 15 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
127 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 563 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 258 | 46% |
| Smokes | 162 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 55 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 88 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $50,790 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Damien | 54% | 13 |
| #2 | Dr. Degenerate | 50% | 4 |
| #3 | ColdAardvark | 36% | 14 |
| #4 | bigboyfatmanfatboy | 36% | 14 |
| #5 | think real '-' | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Dr. Degenerate | 50% | 4 |
| #3 | ColdAardvark | 36% | 14 |
| #4 | bigboyfatmanfatboy | 36% | 14 |
| #5 | think real '-' | 20% | 5 |
| #6 | derpderpymanboy | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bigboyfatmanfatboy | 6 | 0.0200 |
| #2 | Damien | 2 | 0.0076 |
| #3 | Dr. Degenerate | 2 | 0.0225 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Damien | 47 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #2 | ColdAardvark | 44 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #3 | Dr. Degenerate | 20 | 0.22 | 0 min |
| #4 | bigboyfatmanfatboy | 14 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #5 | think real '-' | 4 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. Degenerate | +7.34 | 74 | 54 |
| #2 | Damien | +4.46 | 72 | 49 |
| #3 | ColdAardvark | +1.01 | 51 | 57 |
| #4 | bigboyfatmanfatboy | -0.45 | 53 | 36 |
| #5 | think real '-' | -0.92 | 38 | 11 |





