








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 188 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 110 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2074 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,473 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2003 | 37% |
| Smokes | 1027 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1073 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1370 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $175,505 of utility $31 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 27 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Milk_man | 46% | 63 |
| #2 | ❤ | 46% | 103 |
| #3 | Quagmire | 42% | 67 |
| #4 | PoliceMan | 42% | 79 |
| #5 | Jose | 40% | 88 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | ❤ | 46% | 103 |
| #3 | Quagmire | 42% | 67 |
| #4 | PoliceMan | 42% | 79 |
| #5 | Jose | 40% | 88 |
| #6 | The Voices are Too Loud | 37% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PoliceMan | 7 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Jose | 5 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Quagmire | 4 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | The Voices are Too Loud | 4 | 0.0069 |
| #5 | ❤ | 3 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jose | 300 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #2 | Milk_man | 212 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #3 | Quagmire | 206 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #4 | ❤ | 143 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | PoliceMan | 77 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Milk_man | +3.72 | 79 | 61 |
| #2 | Jose | +3.66 | 76 | 70 |
| #3 | ❤ | +2.11 | 70 | 54 |
| #4 | The Voices are Too Loud | +0.21 | 63 | 33 |
| #5 | evilc009 | -2.29 | 36 | 48 |





