








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 166 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 149 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1920 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,302 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 954 | 15% |
| Smokes | 694 | 11% |
| HE Grenades | 2468 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 2186 | 35% |
Our logs show you have wasted $519,200 of utility $75 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 80 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | The Voices are Too Loud | 47% | 47 |
| #5 | Milk_man | 44% | 81 |
| #6 | Quagmire | 43% | 82 |
| #7 | evilc009 | 42% | 79 |
| #8 | Bigman Bruno | 39% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jose | 12 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | Milk_man | 8 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | Quagmire | 8 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | ❤ | 7 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | evilc009 | 5 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jose | 740 | 0.18 | 19 min |
| #2 | Quagmire | 260 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #3 | Milk_man | 233 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #4 | ❤ | 205 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | evilc009 | 177 | 0.11 | 5 min |





