








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 15 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 27 matches | ||
| Wingman | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1084 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,439 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 478 | 33% |
| Smokes | 187 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 341 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 433 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $122,560 of utility $89 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 45 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Meyae1 | 94% | 17 |
| #4 | Angel | 79% | 42 |
| #5 | NyokaKynos | 69% | 39 |
| #6 | [NL] FlamingWalrus | 64% | 14 |
| #7 | Gregory Raspoetin | 50% | 6 |





