








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 48 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 59 matches | ||
| Premier | 36 matches | ||
| Esplay | 2 matches | 2,097 | |
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2161 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,900 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1967 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1601 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1826 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1506 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $343,530 of utility $101 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 162 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sheeeeeeeeeeeesh | 62% | 13 |
| #2 | KonnyS | 61% | 38 |
| #3 | BOBBAN | 60% | 10 |
| #4 | sluggo | 56% | 45 |
| #5 | skojjarenツ | 55% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Strick | 2 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | Attero Dominatus | 2 | 0.0057 |
| #3 | Alt under Ctrl | 1 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KonnyS | 141 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #2 | sluggo | 135 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #3 | Strick | 82 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | :mean1 | 81 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #5 | Alt under Ctrl | 68 | 0.21 | 2 min |





