








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 12 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 180 matches | ||
| Faceit | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Esplay | 2 matches | 1,822 | |
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3152 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,277 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4943 | 30% |
| Smokes | 4731 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3868 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2735 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $624,038 of utility $88 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 243 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | sheeeeeeeeeeeesh | 52% | 23 |
| #10 | :mean1 | 51% | 65 |
| #11 | KonnyS | 50% | 18 |
| #12 | skojjarenツ | 50% | 52 |
| #13 | atre | 48% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | skojjarenツ | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | sheeeeeeeeeeeesh | 3 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | Strick | 2 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | :mean1 | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | Asking- | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | :mean1 | 223 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #2 | skojjarenツ | 124 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | sheeeeeeeeeeeesh | 111 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #4 | KonnyS | 64 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | Strick | 63 | 0.15 | 1 min |





