








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 73 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1221 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,242 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 104 | 5% |
| Smokes | 871 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 908 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 359 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $351,751 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZPQC | 53% | 76 |
| #2 | Monstro | 51% | 96 |
| #3 | empulseve | 47% | 150 |
| #4 | T3D[dfs] | 44% | 97 |
| #5 | Pickled Red Beet Egg | 40% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZPQC | 53% | 76 |
| #2 | Monstro | 51% | 96 |
| #3 | empulseve | 47% | 150 |
| #4 | T3D[dfs] | 44% | 97 |
| #5 | Pickled Red Beet Egg | 40% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | empulseve | 6 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | T3D[dfs] | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | Pickled Red Beet Egg | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | ZPQC | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | Monstro | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Monstro | 363 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #2 | ZPQC | 234 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | T3D[dfs] | 208 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #4 | empulseve | 196 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #5 | Pickled Red Beet Egg | 1 | 0.00 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ZPQC | +6.78 | 79 | 69 |
| #2 | T3D[dfs] | +1.46 | 53 | 68 |
| #3 | TheWrathsGhost | -1.27 | 33 | 26 |
| #4 | empulseve | -1.36 | 42 | 45 |
| #5 | Monstro | -2.28 | 39 | 61 |





