










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 519 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 470 matches | ||
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 39 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5513 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,026 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5197 | 32% |
| Smokes | 3925 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3560 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3344 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,800,315 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3000 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CheezMonkey | 78% | 41 |
| #2 | slitathroat. | 73% | 52 |
| #3 | Gully | 68% | 182 |
| #4 | ! Stean | 65% | 40 |
| #5 | Triton | 62% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | MaxEvils | 58% | 115 |
| #8 | Naughty Noo-Noo | 48% | 29 |
| #9 | hs | 40% | 30 |
| #10 | Scout cyka blyat nahui | 33% | 43 |
| #11 | Less | 27% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | slitathroat. | 16 | 0.0162 |
| #2 | Gully | 10 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | CheezMonkey | 8 | 0.0100 |
| #4 | ! Wan | 6 | 0.0086 |
| #5 | ! Stean | 5 | 0.0059 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gully | 849 | 0.23 | 19 min |
| #2 | ! Stean | 276 | 0.33 | 8 min |
| #3 | ! Wan | 238 | 0.34 | 7 min |
| #4 | slitathroat. | 202 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #5 | Less | 185 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | slitathroat. | +6.33 | 97 | 56 |
| #2 | CheezMonkey | +2.10 | 89 | 30 |
| #3 | Bustxd | +1.57 | 72 | 59 |
| #4 | Gully | +1.45 | 74 | 58 |
| #5 | ! Stean | +1.24 | 64 | 70 |





