








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
563 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 218 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 76 | 35% |
| Smokes | 47 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 30 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 65 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $5,127 of utility $2 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 120 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ChewingFiveGum | 81% | 16 |
| #2 | AsteroidsTM | 70% | 10 |
| #3 | Evil Wizard | 67% | 12 |
| #4 | Barkin30 | 67% | 12 |
| #5 | barndon | 67% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | barndon | 13 | 0.0102 |
| #2 | Yin | 10 | 0.0109 |
| #3 | Barkin30 | 7 | 0.0292 |
| #4 | ChewingFiveGum | 4 | 0.0132 |
| #5 | ramguy1 | 3 | 0.0079 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yin | 183 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #2 | barndon | 177 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | \Marnie/ | 120 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #4 | Barkin30 | 54 | 0.23 | 1 min |
| #5 | ramguy1 | 47 | 0.12 | 1 min |





