








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1010 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 185 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 82 matches | ||
| Faceit | 79 matches | ||
| Wingman | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5433 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,236 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8150 | 34% |
| Smokes | 6507 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 4718 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 4861 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $400,714 of utility $43 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 233 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | P0iS0N0uS | 83% | 109 |
| #2 | sohai lanjiao gugubird | 77% | 62 |
| #3 | ☢v_shiftz♥™☣ | 74% | 27 |
| #4 | SIUUUUUUUUUU!!!! | 71% | 56 |
| #5 | ✪ Vern | 68% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | sohai lanjiao gugubird | 77% | 62 |
| #3 | ☢v_shiftz♥™☣ | 74% | 27 |
| #4 | SIUUUUUUUUUU!!!! | 71% | 56 |
| #5 | ✪ Vern | 68% | 31 |
| #6 | >:( | 66% | 140 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | >:( | 7 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | SIUUUUUUUUUU!!!! | 4 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | sohai lanjiao gugubird | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | ☢v_shiftz♥™☣ | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | >:( | 513 | 0.18 | 10 min |
| #2 | P0iS0N0uS | 462 | 0.21 | 10 min |
| #3 | sohai lanjiao gugubird | 266 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #4 | SIUUUUUUUUUU!!!! | 176 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #5 | ✪ Vern | 80 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Beast | +3.59 | 83 | 71 |
| #2 | P0iS0N0uS | +2.59 | 88 | 52 |
| #3 | >:( | +1.41 | 83 | 61 |
| #4 | ✪ Vern | +1.37 | 67 | 56 |
| #5 | SIUUUUUUUUUU!!!! | +0.67 | 70 | 65 |





