








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1310 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 195 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 65 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4066 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,372 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3971 | 35% |
| Smokes | 2704 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1933 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 2764 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,233,354 of utility $174 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 471 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | gao | 61% | 36 |
| #6 | viz | 57% | 76 |
| #7 | Cheriyaki Ticket | 56% | 81 |
| #8 | 1girth | 55% | 40 |
| #9 | WWW.JIBBY.SHOP (CODE: JIBBY 10%) | 52% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cheriyaki Ticket | 22 | 0.0133 |
| #2 | viz | 20 | 0.0134 |
| #3 | WWW.JIBBY.SHOP (CODE: JIBBY 10%) | 7 | 0.0104 |
| #4 | micro | 6 | 0.0051 |
| #5 | 1girth | 5 | 0.0064 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cheriyaki Ticket | 309 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #2 | viz | 289 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #3 | micro | 277 | 0.24 | 9 min |
| #4 | 1girth | 106 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | gao | 94 | 0.14 | 2 min |





