








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 71 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




38 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1891 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,740 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1272 | 34% |
| Smokes | 886 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 882 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 700 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $527,008 of utility $152 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 138 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | quick | 50% | 44 |
| #11 | micro | 49% | 45 |
| #12 | 1girth | 48% | 25 |
| #13 | WWW.JIBBY.SHOP (CODE: JIBBY 10%) | 46% | 35 |
| #14 | m0t | 31% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | viz | 21 | 0.0160 |
| #2 | longjohn | 9 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | micro | 9 | 0.0099 |
| #4 | gao | 8 | 0.0071 |
| #5 | WWW.JIBBY.SHOP (CODE: JIBBY 10%) | 8 | 0.0112 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | longjohn | 294 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #2 | viz | 244 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #3 | micro | 218 | 0.24 | 7 min |
| #4 | gao | 166 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #5 | quick | 127 | 0.15 | 4 min |





