








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 63 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1368 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,485 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1632 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1537 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 891 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 1425 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $219,136 of utility $72 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 89 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Cheriyaki Ticket | 51% | 57 |
| #11 | Axed | 50% | 10 |
| #12 | WWW.JIBBY.SHOP (CODE: JIBBY 10%) | 44% | 18 |
| #13 | 1girth | 44% | 16 |
| #14 | m0t | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cheriyaki Ticket | 11 | 0.0096 |
| #2 | viz | 10 | 0.0142 |
| #3 | micro | 7 | 0.0136 |
| #4 | WWW.JIBBY.SHOP (CODE: JIBBY 10%) | 4 | 0.0122 |
| #5 | Axed | 4 | 0.0225 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cheriyaki Ticket | 206 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #2 | viz | 162 | 0.23 | 4 min |
| #3 | longjohn | 132 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #4 | micro | 116 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #5 | quick | 108 | 0.14 | 3 min |





