








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 385 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 113 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 21 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3513 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,210 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2931 | 24% |
| Smokes | 3091 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3012 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3176 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $928,548 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 152 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Thioriel | 67% | 27 |
| #2 | Colo à chier sur | 64% | 89 |
| #3 | Waxi | 62% | 65 |
| #4 | Eloise | 60% | 40 |
| #5 | Nobody ゼウス● | 58% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | StarKoz | 9 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | Colo à chier sur | 7 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | Eloise | 6 | 0.0073 |
| #4 | KenPachi | 5 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | JEFF | 3 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KenPachi | 501 | 0.23 | 12 min |
| #2 | Colo à chier sur | 254 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | Waxi | 197 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #4 | JEFF | 116 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | Thioriel | 112 | 0.21 | 2 min |





