








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 666 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 255 matches | ||
| Premier | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




40 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4917 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,182 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5442 | 28% |
| Smokes | 4477 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 4383 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 4880 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $953,664 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 499 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vanessa | 77% | 22 |
| #2 | beastman | 68% | 66 |
| #3 | RiFT | 67% | 27 |
| #4 | K22G | 65% | 26 |
| #5 | doltn^v^ | 65% | 158 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | zebra | 61% | 36 |
| #8 | spud | 57% | 46 |
| #9 | arcade | 52% | 27 |
| #10 | DJF | 52% | 31 |
| #11 | eutopia | 49% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eutopia | 8 | 0.0086 |
| #2 | doltn^v^ | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | beastman | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | spud | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | zebra | 2 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | doltn^v^ | 533 | 0.16 | 14 min |
| #2 | beastman | 247 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #3 | big d | 225 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #4 | zebra | 207 | 0.26 | 6 min |
| #5 | spud | 171 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | beastman | +2.76 | 85 | 66 |
| #2 | spud | +2.72 | 86 | 76 |
| #3 | big d | +1.81 | 88 | 74 |
| #4 | vanessa | +1.75 | 88 | 70 |
| #5 | flixxy^-^💞 | +1.73 | 78 | 69 |





