








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 281 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 88 matches | ||
| Faceit | 67 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 76 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1854 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,393 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3392 | 30% |
| Smokes | 3414 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2032 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 2555 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $711,404 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 100 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MCDONALDSWIFIPEEK SentineL | 58% | 19 |
| #2 | Gabehasbongo | 55% | 49 |
| #3 | Saaable | 54% | 13 |
| #4 | kai | 54% | 26 |
| #5 | Lax | 51% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dewey Fan | 7 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | Gabehasbongo | 5 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | Weirdy Strangey | 4 | 0.0079 |
| #4 | Colty | 4 | 0.0125 |
| #5 | jizzy | 3 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dewey Fan | 196 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #2 | Toast | 174 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #3 | kai | 126 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #4 | Lax | 124 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #5 | Squalor11 | 120 | 0.27 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kai | +2.78 | 57 | 53 |
| #2 | MCDONALDSWIFIPEEK SentineL | +2.62 | 81 | 63 |
| #3 | Lax | +1.24 | 73 | 63 |
| #4 | vYriese | +1.17 | 66 | 63 |
| #5 | Gabehasbongo | +1.03 | 60 | 55 |





