








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 265 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 345 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 187 matches | ||
| Faceit | 130 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8278 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 30,755 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8634 | 28% |
| Smokes | 8423 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 6043 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 7655 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $735,450 of utility $39 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 795 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Karl der Keuchende | 56% | 73 |
| #2 | JiggleMyJax˘◡˘ | 50% | 253 |
| #3 | Happy | 50% | 471 |
| #4 | GurK1s H0nd | 50% | 432 |
| #5 | f0rsAkeN | 49% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Goliath Clash.gg | 21 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | Happy | 19 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | GurK1s H0nd | 18 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Karl der Keuchende | 15 | 0.0093 |
| #5 | zPrimez | 14 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Happy | 1998 | 0.20 | 52 min |
| #2 | GurK1s H0nd | 754 | 0.08 | 21 min |
| #3 | ✪ Goliath Clash.gg | 478 | 0.10 | 14 min |
| #4 | butcher | 457 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #5 | zPrimez | 392 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Karl der Keuchende | +6.07 | 87 | 50 |
| #2 | JeyP252 | +1.95 | 85 | 69 |
| #3 | GurK1s H0nd | +1.50 | 83 | 64 |
| #4 | Happy | +0.84 | 79 | 59 |
| #5 | JiggleMyJax˘◡˘ | +0.42 | 84 | 34 |





