








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 580 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 282 matches | ||
| Wingman | 194 matches | ||
| Faceit | 114 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7345 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,689 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2079 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1937 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 565 | 8% |
| Molotovs | 2108 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,960,510 of utility $211 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3281 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Karl der Keuchende | 70% | 37 |
| #2 | Happy | 52% | 318 |
| #3 | butcher | 51% | 107 |
| #4 | vyzzen | 51% | 82 |
| #5 | GurK1s H0nd | 51% | 330 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GurK1s H0nd | 10 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | Happy | 9 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | AnilAbi | 9 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | ✪ Goliath Clash.gg | 9 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | vyzzen | 9 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Happy | 1327 | 0.20 | 37 min |
| #2 | AnilAbi | 539 | 0.10 | 13 min |
| #3 | GurK1s H0nd | 509 | 0.07 | 13 min |
| #4 | ✪ Goliath Clash.gg | 342 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #5 | vyzzen | 265 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Karl der Keuchende | +4.41 | 87 | 58 |
| #2 | JeyP252 | +1.87 | 85 | 67 |
| #3 | JiggleMyJax˘◡˘ | +1.41 | 86 | 33 |
| #4 | GurK1s H0nd | +1.07 | 82 | 62 |
| #5 | Happy | +0.77 | 78 | 63 |





