








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 131 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 250 matches | ||
| Faceit | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3649 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,779 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2106 | 20% |
| Smokes | 3655 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1984 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 3034 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $862,245 of utility $110 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 76 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blasian | 57% | 35 |
| #2 | MintPatty | 56% | 57 |
| #3 | issic | 52% | 25 |
| #4 | Squidward Sugmaballs | 51% | 211 |
| #5 | Rynthi | 50% | 36 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Leado | 46% | 117 |
| #8 | Caffè Kat | 45% | 121 |
| #9 | smoovy | 45% | 31 |
| #10 | ✪ Niikos ✪ | 45% | 252 |
| #11 | ۥkoen | 40% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Niikos ✪ | 27 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | papaJ | 21 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | Caffè Kat | 12 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | Squidward Sugmaballs | 10 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | Leado | 7 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | papaJ | 1629 | 0.26 | 55 min |
| #2 | ✪ Niikos ✪ | 1163 | 0.22 | 32 min |
| #3 | Squidward Sugmaballs | 834 | 0.19 | 23 min |
| #4 | Leado | 499 | 0.20 | 12 min |
| #5 | Caffè Kat | 359 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MintPatty | +3.20 | 95 | 16 |
| #2 | papaJ | +0.89 | 81 | 76 |
| #3 | Leado | +0.57 | 66 | 62 |
| #4 | Squidward Sugmaballs | +0.35 | 68 | 62 |
| #5 | issic | +0.32 | 80 | 47 |





