








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 283 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1088 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




94 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8164 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 30,998 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8802 | 28% |
| Smokes | 10286 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 5815 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 6095 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,431,289 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 738 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Zhadius | 49% | 81 |
| #6 | Torq γ | 46% | 282 |
| #7 | arctos | 46% | 197 |
| #8 | Parm-EZ-on-Yo-Sleezy | 46% | 205 |
| #9 | Resistance | 43% | 171 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Parm-EZ-on-Yo-Sleezy | 17 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | MILLAMAZING | 8 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | arctos | 7 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | c00chie | 7 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | Resistance | 6 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Parm-EZ-on-Yo-Sleezy | 550 | 0.13 | 12 min |
| #2 | Torq γ | 538 | 0.09 | 12 min |
| #3 | arctos | 382 | 0.09 | 9 min |
| #4 | Resistance | 286 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #5 | c00chie | 270 | 0.11 | 6 min |





