








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 589 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 720 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 252 matches | ||
| Faceit | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 49 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8183 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 41,532 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9047 | 22% |
| Smokes | 15038 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 10440 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 7007 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,208,342 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 217 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Doug GimmieDome | 48% | 61 |
| #6 | Special Agent Dale Cooper | 46% | 282 |
| #7 | arctos | 46% | 132 |
| #8 | Parm-EZ-on-Yo-Sleezy | 44% | 108 |
| #9 | cr1m | 39% | 67 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zhadius | 16 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | Resistance | 9 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | arctos | 9 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | Parm-EZ-on-Yo-Sleezy | 8 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | Special Agent Dale Cooper | 6 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zhadius | 1268 | 0.14 | 33 min |
| #2 | Special Agent Dale Cooper | 814 | 0.14 | 22 min |
| #3 | Resistance | 399 | 0.09 | 11 min |
| #4 | arctos | 269 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #5 | cr1m | 261 | 0.19 | 7 min |





