








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 117 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 69 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
901 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,977 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 425 | 21% |
| Smokes | 369 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 648 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 535 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $440,149 of utility $223 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 177 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | asscheek | 63% | 8 |
| #2 | OILMAN | 54% | 41 |
| #3 | mister grant | 52% | 46 |
| #4 | 把整个海洋带出来 | 47% | 62 |
| #5 | jpf | 43% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | asscheek | 63% | 8 |
| #2 | OILMAN | 54% | 41 |
| #3 | mister grant | 52% | 46 |
| #4 | 把整个海洋带出来 | 47% | 62 |
| #5 | jpf | 43% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jpf | 10 | 0.0166 |
| #2 | mister grant | 6 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | 把整个海洋带出来 | 5 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | asscheek | 2 | 0.0083 |
| #5 | OILMAN | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 把整个海洋带出来 | 461 | 0.32 | 12 min |
| #2 | mister grant | 316 | 0.31 | 8 min |
| #3 | OILMAN | 103 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | jpf | 95 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | asscheek | 27 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 把整个海洋带出来 | +2.24 | 87 | 66 |
| #2 | jpf | +1.35 | 52 | 45 |
| #3 | OILMAN | +0.40 | 61 | 56 |
| #4 | aashish #out of rehab | -0.50 | 69 | 51 |
| #5 | mister grant | -1.08 | 41 | 65 |





