








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 633 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 166 matches | ||
| Premier | 65 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2550 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,003 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4296 | 39% |
| Smokes | 3492 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1281 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 1934 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $756,457 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 303 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | asscheek | 72% | 18 |
| #2 | OILMAN | 60% | 180 |
| #3 | 把整个海洋带出来 | 56% | 136 |
| #4 | haoxin | 55% | 42 |
| #5 | jpf | 55% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | 100 gecs is ass | 48% | 60 |
| #8 | Jobo | 46% | 71 |
| #9 | Bib | 45% | 49 |
| #10 | Jib | 44% | 27 |
| #11 | lebrun | 44% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jpf | 17 | 0.0148 |
| #2 | 把整个海洋带出来 | 10 | 0.0033 |
| #3 | OILMAN | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | aashish #out of rehab | 4 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | 100 gecs is ass | 3 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 把整个海洋带出来 | 870 | 0.29 | 24 min |
| #2 | OILMAN | 493 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #3 | haoxin | 195 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #4 | Bib | 182 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #5 | jpf | 159 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 把整个海洋带出来 | +2.32 | 86 | 68 |
| #2 | jpf | +1.40 | 56 | 50 |
| #3 | OILMAN | +0.93 | 63 | 54 |
| #4 | Bib | +0.81 | 69 | 71 |
| #5 | mister grant | +0.31 | 52 | 71 |





