








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 38 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
979 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,935 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 449 | 11% |
| Smokes | 1026 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1066 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1394 | 35% |
Our logs show you have wasted $507,562 of utility $173 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Laibba | 62% | 39 |
| #2 | kallu havumäki | 55% | 29 |
| #3 | Helkku | 53% | 34 |
| #4 | 10Shi | 50% | 8 |
| #5 | Napakymppi-Kaitsu | 50% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr_pippuri | 4 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | Helkku | 2 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | Olber | 2 | 0.0047 |
| #4 | COOKIE =]]]]] | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Laibba | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ospemo | 309 | 0.29 | 7 min |
| #2 | COOKIE =]]]]] | 180 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #3 | Noukkari | 174 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | kallu havumäki | 169 | 0.29 | 3 min |
| #5 | Laibba | 83 | 0.10 | 2 min |





