








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 381 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 1026 matches | ||
| Faceit | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 77 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
10220 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 44,783 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 17926 | 40% |
| Smokes | 12322 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 7051 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 7484 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $864,685 of utility $36 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1036 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jarle | 49% | 186 |
| #2 | DunkedOn | 48% | 133 |
| #3 | Evn^S | 47% | 68 |
| #4 | 〄Thick Bot〄 | 44% | 110 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jarle | 49% | 186 |
| #2 | DunkedOn | 48% | 133 |
| #3 | Evn^S | 47% | 68 |
| #4 | 〄Thick Bot〄 | 44% | 110 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 〄Thick Bot〄 | 27 | 0.0118 |
| #2 | DunkedOn | 9 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | jarle | 7 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | Evn^S | 2 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 〄Thick Bot〄 | 304 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #2 | jarle | 292 | 0.07 | 8 min |
| #3 | DunkedOn | 162 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | Evn^S | 112 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jarle | +1.24 | 54 | 71 |
| #2 | Evn^S | +0.91 | 77 | 46 |
| #3 | Sween | +0.56 | 60 | 64 |
| #4 | DunkedOn | +0.37 | 56 | 49 |
| #5 | 〄Thick Bot〄 | +0.05 | 69 | 65 |





