








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 27 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
254 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 771 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 125 | 16% |
| Smokes | 60 | 8% |
| HE Grenades | 280 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 306 | 40% |
Our logs show you have wasted $141,400 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 32 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Chef | 36% | 53 |
| #7 | FanBoy | 35% | 20 |
| #8 | AssGas Ragner | 26% | 35 |
| #9 | Edizzy | 25% | 4 |
| #10 | blueperez3 | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Plank | 3 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | Michal Jorden | 2 | 0.0444 |
| #3 | AssGas Ragner | 1 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | FanBoy | 1 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Plank | 109 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #2 | Chef | 107 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | AssGas Ragner | 45 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Edizzy | 34 | 0.34 | 0 min |
| #5 | mrcool317 | 27 | 0.09 | 1 min |





