








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
982 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,971 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 430 | 22% |
| Smokes | 688 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 459 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 394 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $232,835 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AssGas Ragner | 75% | 8 |
| #2 | Chef | 60% | 15 |
| #3 | Coach | 43% | 14 |
| #4 | Edizzy | 41% | 41 |
| #5 | Plank | 41% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FanBoy | 2 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | Slax | 2 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | Edizzy | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Plank | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Michal Jorden | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Edizzy | 220 | 0.24 | 5 min |
| #2 | Plank | 91 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | Chef | 35 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | AssGas Ragner | 25 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| #5 | Michal Jorden | 21 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Michal Jorden | +4.32 | 54 | 42 |
| #2 | Edizzy | +3.14 | 61 | 63 |
| #3 | Plank | +2.24 | 56 | 60 |
| #4 | Chef | +0.45 | 58 | 48 |
| #5 | Slax | +0.43 | 20 | 40 |





