








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 32 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1080 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,073 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 846 | 28% |
| Smokes | 925 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 722 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 580 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $109,652 of utility $42 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 13 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chockablocka | 55% | 11 |
| #2 | Edizzy | 50% | 8 |
| #3 | mrcool317 | 41% | 41 |
| #4 | Chef | 40% | 72 |
| #5 | Michal Jorden | 40% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Michal Jorden | 40% | 25 |
| #6 | Coach | 40% | 40 |
| #7 | AssGas Ragner | 37% | 67 |
| #8 | FanBoy | 33% | 58 |
| #9 | blueperez3 | 25% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AssGas Ragner | 4 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | Coach | 4 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | FanBoy | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Michal Jorden | 2 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AssGas Ragner | 140 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #2 | Chef | 129 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #3 | mrcool317 | 63 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | Edizzy | 46 | 0.26 | 0 min |
| #5 | Coach | 38 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Michal Jorden | +4.47 | 52 | 48 |
| #2 | Edizzy | +3.59 | 62 | 49 |
| #3 | Plank | +2.12 | 55 | 63 |
| #4 | AssGas Ragner | -0.04 | 61 | 39 |
| #5 | Chef | -0.41 | 42 | 53 |





