








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 333 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 126 matches | ||
| Wingman | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1912 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,181 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1072 | 26% |
| Smokes | 595 | 14% |
| HE Grenades | 1342 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1172 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $821,525 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 658 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | smol chicken | 52% | 21 |
| #2 | JayP | 51% | 71 |
| #3 | Hanzsapai | 49% | 116 |
| #4 | Black Chicken | 40% | 63 |
| #5 | Grischa | 32% | 90 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | smol chicken | 52% | 21 |
| #2 | JayP | 51% | 71 |
| #3 | Hanzsapai | 49% | 116 |
| #4 | Black Chicken | 40% | 63 |
| #5 | Grischa | 32% | 90 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Grischa | 16 | 0.0098 |
| #2 | Hanzsapai | 5 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | JayP | 5 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | Black Chicken | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | smol chicken | 2 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hanzsapai | 346 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #2 | JayP | 112 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #3 | Black Chicken | 83 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | smol chicken | 33 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #5 | Grischa | 19 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hanzsapai | +1.97 | 64 | 63 |
| #2 | JayP | +0.66 | 54 | 53 |
| #3 | smol chicken | -0.13 | 43 | 54 |
| #4 | Ark ϟ | -0.19 | 74 | 43 |
| #5 | Black Chicken | -0.54 | 52 | 51 |





