








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 175 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 79 matches | ||
| Premier | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2414 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,362 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3073 | 33% |
| Smokes | 2745 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2305 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1239 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $738,050 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 101 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dingleberry Handpump | 38 | 0.0080 |
| #2 | JALLA | 13 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | Patropro [KSK] | 7 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Genano | 7 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | Hessel | 7 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JALLA | 493 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #2 | Hessel | 361 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #3 | Genano | 268 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #4 | Patropro [KSK] | 267 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #5 | Dingleberry Handpump | 122 | 0.03 | 2 min |





