








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 358 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 168 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2416 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,598 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3866 | 36% |
| Smokes | 2603 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2012 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 2117 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $478,761 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 296 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | E$t0 | 66% | 29 |
| #2 | nide | 65% | 62 |
| #3 | cotovelo | 57% | 21 |
| #4 | ✪ kyuber | 57% | 23 |
| #5 | halalcat | 56% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | alexsntsv | 50% | 44 |
| #12 | SL3ID3R | 48% | 27 |
| #13 | Heinz | 45% | 91 |
| #14 | Urosin | 43% | 51 |
| #15 | ♿ deemo | 41% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | patu | 6 | 0.0069 |
| #2 | Heinz | 5 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Ricixixixix | 4 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | nide | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | EzP | 3 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EzP | 170 | 0.21 | 6 min |
| #2 | Ricixixixix | 160 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #3 | nide | 137 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | SL3ID3R | 133 | 0.25 | 3 min |
| #5 | patu | 121 | 0.14 | 3 min |





