








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1120 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 166 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 71 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 23 matches | ||
| Premier | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 140 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




35 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4166 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,038 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 862 | 21% |
| Smokes | 135 | 3% |
| HE Grenades | 2279 | 56% |
| Molotovs | 762 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $233,081 of utility $19 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2536 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ItFeelsGoodMan | 61% | 72 |
| #2 | Comrade Crisp | 49% | 139 |
| #3 | ST3 Vex♛ | 48% | 33 |
| #4 | Kolya | 47% | 95 |
| #5 | Plain Lane | 45% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Plain Lane | 45% | 53 |
| #6 | Is LGBTQ a Sandwhich? | 42% | 33 |
| #7 | Zuke | 42% | 126 |
| #8 | 𝕂𝕚𝕣𝕣𝕚𝕝𝕝 | 38% | 45 |
| #9 | Real Donald J. Trump | 37% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kolya | 38 | 0.0203 |
| #2 | 𝕂𝕚𝕣𝕣𝕚𝕝𝕝 | 31 | 0.0344 |
| #3 | Zuke | 24 | 0.0097 |
| #4 | Comrade Crisp | 15 | 0.0054 |
| #5 | ItFeelsGoodMan | 8 | 0.0057 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zuke | 312 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #2 | 𝕂𝕚𝕣𝕣𝕚𝕝𝕝 | 242 | 0.27 | 5 min |
| #3 | Kolya | 173 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | Comrade Crisp | 122 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | ST3 Vex♛ | 77 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ST3 Vex♛ | +5.99 | 68 | 61 |
| #2 | Plain Lane | +1.55 | 48 | 38 |
| #3 | BOT Sadwater | +1.52 | 50 | 20 |
| #4 | 𝕂𝕚𝕣𝕣𝕚𝕝𝕝 | +0.73 | 51 | 52 |
| #5 | ItFeelsGoodMan | -0.03 | 20 | 27 |





