








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1418 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 820 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 108 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




63 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9736 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 35,996 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9848 | 27% |
| Smokes | 9336 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 8326 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 8486 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $649,852 of utility $34 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1649 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Abyss | 72% | 57 |
| #2 | Beserker | 63% | 49 |
| #3 | ✪Jean^^ | 61% | 162 |
| #4 | Master Roshi [L2M] | 58% | 221 |
| #5 | PyroPriest | 58% | 102 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | PyroPriest | 58% | 102 |
| #6 | Fade | 55% | 86 |
| #7 | Dextny™ | 54% | 81 |
| #8 | Sinhility | 53% | 47 |
| #9 | Buy Nasdaq | 52% | 244 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪Jean^^ | 24 | 0.0068 |
| #2 | Master Roshi [L2M] | 14 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | Buy Nasdaq | 6 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Beserker | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | Sinhility | 2 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Master Roshi [L2M] | 688 | 0.15 | 20 min |
| #2 | Buy Nasdaq | 548 | 0.10 | 16 min |
| #3 | ✪Jean^^ | 340 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #4 | PyroPriest | 199 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #5 | Fade | 180 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪Jean^^ | +3.61 | 71 | 62 |
| #2 | Dizzy | +2.09 | 77 | 70 |
| #3 | Master Roshi [L2M] | +1.44 | 72 | 67 |
| #4 | PyroPriest | +0.98 | 78 | 51 |
| #5 | Beserker | +0.80 | 77 | 69 |





