








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 57 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Premier | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
856 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,314 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1140 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2291 | 43% |
| HE Grenades | 1189 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 694 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $421,368 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 174 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Floaty | 50% | 151 |
| #2 | Meck | 48% | 159 |
| #3 | Chumple | 47% | 154 |
| #4 | BRANFLAKES | 42% | 91 |
| #5 | Sean Cody | 41% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Meck | 48% | 159 |
| #3 | Chumple | 47% | 154 |
| #4 | BRANFLAKES | 42% | 91 |
| #5 | Sean Cody | 41% | 58 |
| #6 | Phongiloid | 40% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Floaty | 10 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | Meck | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | BRANFLAKES | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Chumple | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Sean Cody | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Floaty | 504 | 0.17 | 11 min |
| #2 | Chumple | 483 | 0.16 | 14 min |
| #3 | Meck | 392 | 0.13 | 9 min |
| #4 | Phongiloid | 50 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | BRANFLAKES | 23 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chumple | +3.27 | 75 | 67 |
| #2 | Meck | +3.06 | 64 | 62 |
| #3 | Floaty | +2.43 | 66 | 65 |
| #4 | Phongiloid | +1.41 | 71 | 72 |
| #5 | BRANFLAKES | -3.65 | 32 | 33 |





