








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 225 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2995 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,742 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3515 | 36% |
| Smokes | 2626 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2090 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1511 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $709,679 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 249 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Phongiloid | 52% | 21 |
| #2 | Chumple | 51% | 228 |
| #3 | TheCraZe | 50% | 151 |
| #4 | Meck | 50% | 248 |
| #5 | BRANFLAKES | 47% | 201 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Chumple | 51% | 228 |
| #3 | TheCraZe | 50% | 151 |
| #4 | Meck | 50% | 248 |
| #5 | BRANFLAKES | 47% | 201 |
| #6 | Sean Cody | 41% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Meck | 8 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | Chumple | 8 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | BRANFLAKES | 6 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | TheCraZe | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Sean Cody | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chumple | 711 | 0.16 | 19 min |
| #2 | Meck | 641 | 0.13 | 15 min |
| #3 | TheCraZe | 335 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #4 | BRANFLAKES | 49 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #5 | Phongiloid | 36 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chumple | +2.95 | 74 | 64 |
| #2 | Meck | +2.85 | 66 | 63 |
| #3 | Floaty | +1.92 | 67 | 63 |
| #4 | Phongiloid | +1.42 | 69 | 67 |
| #5 | BRANFLAKES | -3.62 | 35 | 32 |





