








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 138 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 203 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 41 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1698 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,088 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1620 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2442 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1815 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2211 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $991,932 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 349 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Honda Suburoo Prius | 49% | 112 |
| #2 | kinstrebla | 49% | 53 |
| #3 | YoBoiKuzzi | 49% | 111 |
| #4 | Miyagi | 47% | 117 |
| #5 | koiboy | 47% | 132 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | YoBoiKuzzi | 49% | 111 |
| #4 | Miyagi | 47% | 117 |
| #5 | koiboy | 47% | 132 |
| #6 | PoopyPoopPoopless | 45% | 174 |
| #7 | tsugua | 41% | 69 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | YoBoiKuzzi | 6 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | kinstrebla | 4 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | PoopyPoopPoopless | 3 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Miyagi | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | koiboy | 2 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | koiboy | 796 | 0.28 | 23 min |
| #2 | PoopyPoopPoopless | 749 | 0.20 | 21 min |
| #3 | Miyagi | 684 | 0.27 | 17 min |
| #4 | tsugua | 451 | 0.29 | 13 min |
| #5 | YoBoiKuzzi | 428 | 0.17 | 11 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PoopyPoopPoopless | +3.14 | 81 | 66 |
| #2 | tsugua | +1.37 | 83 | 71 |
| #3 | Miyagi | +0.47 | 84 | 67 |
| #4 | Honda Suburoo Prius | +0.46 | 65 | 67 |
| #5 | kinstrebla | +0.27 | 42 | 52 |





