








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 856 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 111 matches | 1,983 | |
| Premier | 72 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 69 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2415 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,162 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2607 | 28% |
| Smokes | 2302 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2366 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1887 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $846,717 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 321 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MEGABONK | 69% | 13 |
| #2 | f____W | 57% | 14 |
| #3 | L E V I A T A ♥ | 57% | 23 |
| #4 | fson | 56% | 72 |
| #5 | funkman | 55% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | funkman | 55% | 58 |
| #6 | ze_one(-(-_-)-) | 52% | 86 |
| #7 | le Yo.L | 51% | 70 |
| #8 | dmf | 50% | 54 |
| #9 | Wp | 48% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | funkman | 4 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | fson | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | ze_one(-(-_-)-) | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | dmf | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | le Yo.L | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ze_one(-(-_-)-) | 366 | 0.20 | 9 min |
| #2 | funkman | 262 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #3 | fson | 260 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #4 | Wp | 193 | 0.23 | 5 min |
| #5 | le Yo.L | 170 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fson | +4.62 | 78 | 79 |
| #2 | cato | +2.04 | 78 | 67 |
| #3 | funkman | +1.63 | 58 | 72 |
| #4 | Wp | -0.69 | 42 | 61 |
| #5 | MEGABONK | -1.78 | 32 | 71 |





