








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 942 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 265 matches | ||
| Esplay | 124 matches | 1,768 | |
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 85 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3922 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,916 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6042 | 34% |
| Smokes | 4016 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 4426 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3432 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,281,842 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 294 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | fson | 51% | 115 |
| #6 | funkman | 51% | 82 |
| #7 | dmf | 51% | 82 |
| #8 | L E V I A T A ♥ | 46% | 50 |
| #9 | f____W | 40% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | funkman | 6 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | fson | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Wp | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | dmf | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | le Yo.L | 2 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fson | 451 | 0.17 | 12 min |
| #2 | Wp | 434 | 0.21 | 11 min |
| #3 | cato | 389 | 0.21 | 10 min |
| #4 | funkman | 371 | 0.21 | 11 min |
| #5 | le Yo.L | 324 | 0.11 | 9 min |





