








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2525 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 247 matches | 2,020 | |
| Premier | 37 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 63 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4047 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,537 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4745 | 31% |
| Smokes | 4038 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 4032 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 2722 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $784,252 of utility $111 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 268 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | irwin | 57% | 35 |
| #2 | Wp | 57% | 92 |
| #3 | Tigarah | 56% | 18 |
| #4 | cato | 56% | 72 |
| #5 | NoOz | 55% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | ze_one(-(-_-)-) | 51% | 115 |
| #11 | le Yo.L | 49% | 95 |
| #12 | L E V I A T A ♥ | 48% | 23 |
| #13 | Ralle | 43% | 21 |
| #14 | pata | 29% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dmf | 6 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | funkman | 6 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | MEGABONK | 5 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | Wp | 4 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | ze_one(-(-_-)-) | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ze_one(-(-_-)-) | 523 | 0.20 | 12 min |
| #2 | dmf | 501 | 0.12 | 13 min |
| #3 | Wp | 462 | 0.23 | 12 min |
| #4 | funkman | 443 | 0.21 | 14 min |
| #5 | cato | 339 | 0.22 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fson | +4.35 | 76 | 77 |
| #2 | cato | +2.26 | 75 | 70 |
| #3 | funkman | +0.45 | 57 | 73 |
| #4 | Tigarah | +0.22 | 65 | 66 |
| #5 | Wp | -0.12 | 51 | 63 |





