








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 372 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 386 matches | ||
| Wingman | 29 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 55 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4758 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,129 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2304 | 18% |
| Smokes | 4093 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 3979 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 2753 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,137,511 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 270 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sora Ginko | 54% | 37 |
| #2 | ⫍ ⃢ ⫎ Pancake | 48% | 225 |
| #3 | Tab1e | 48% | 29 |
| #4 | Steven S. Lumetta | 45% | 263 |
| #5 | TUBA | 44% | 244 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | ⫍ ⃢ ⫎ Pancake | 48% | 225 |
| #3 | Tab1e | 48% | 29 |
| #4 | Steven S. Lumetta | 45% | 263 |
| #5 | TUBA | 44% | 244 |
| #6 | Rex | 40% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Steven S. Lumetta | 20 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | ⫍ ⃢ ⫎ Pancake | 13 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | TUBA | 3 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | Rex | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Sora Ginko | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Steven S. Lumetta | 811 | 0.15 | 18 min |
| #2 | ⫍ ⃢ ⫎ Pancake | 264 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #3 | Rex | 255 | 0.32 | 6 min |
| #4 | Sora Ginko | 180 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #5 | Tab1e | 108 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Arabidopsis | +1.69 | 53 | 49 |
| #2 | Sora Ginko | +0.02 | 59 | 48 |
| #3 | Tab1e | -0.73 | 69 | 56 |
| #4 | ⫍ ⃢ ⫎ Pancake | -0.79 | 33 | 46 |
| #5 | Steven S. Lumetta | -1.08 | 26 | 53 |





