








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 192 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 168 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 69 matches | ||
| Wingman | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




60 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2327 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,209 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 636 | 29% |
| Smokes | 458 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 713 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 402 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $583,204 of utility $74 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 493 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Eric | 39% | 67 |
| #7 | Luke | 37% | 232 |
| #8 | Rose '-' | 36% | 107 |
| #9 | Physio | 32% | 69 |
| #10 | alloy | 17% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Luke | 100 | 0.0219 |
| #2 | Physio | 39 | 0.0292 |
| #3 | Gab | 33 | 0.0153 |
| #4 | alloy | 12 | 0.0219 |
| #5 | Rose '-' | 11 | 0.0048 |





