








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 35 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
93 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 308 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 166 | 54% |
| Smokes | 36 | 12% |
| HE Grenades | 78 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 28 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $26,342 of utility $62 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | X-Bow | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | Hanzsapai | 44% | 9 |
| #3 | Grischa | 44% | 16 |
| #4 | Ark ϟ | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | X-Bow | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | Hanzsapai | 44% | 9 |
| #3 | Grischa | 44% | 16 |
| #4 | Ark ϟ | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Grischa | 2 | 0.0063 |
| #2 | Ark ϟ | 2 | 0.0080 |
| #3 | Hanzsapai | 2 | 0.0112 |
| #4 | X-Bow | 2 | 0.0541 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hanzsapai | 52 | 0.29 | 1 min |
| #2 | Ark ϟ | 16 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #3 | Grischa | 6 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #4 | X-Bow | 4 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hanzsapai | +3.87 | 64 | 60 |
| #2 | X-Bow | +1.67 | 21 | 58 |
| #3 | Ark ϟ | +0.71 | 79 | 40 |
| #4 | Grischa | -1.72 | 25 | 21 |
| #5 | ouf | -4.82 | 11 | 40 |





