








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1311 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 216 matches | ||
| Faceit | 117 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




45 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4203 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,238 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10231 | 41% |
| Smokes | 7210 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1107 | 4% |
| Molotovs | 6690 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,088,443 of utility $109 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 198 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CARNAG3 | 66% | 67 |
| #2 | YUNG Sweatshop | 59% | 51 |
| #3 | Ich bin Noah | 56% | 39 |
| #4 | TidusTacos | 56% | 162 |
| #5 | Push Start Gamer | 55% | 132 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Push Start Gamer | 20 | 0.0072 |
| #2 | Perplex | 7 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | TidusTacos | 6 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | SPIN TEST!! | 5 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | Ich bin Noah | 3 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PrAe | 603 | 0.27 | 12 min |
| #2 | Push Start Gamer | 412 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #3 | SPIN TEST!! | 317 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #4 | TidusTacos | 313 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #5 | Perplex | 155 | 0.09 | 4 min |





