








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 56 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 137 matches | ||
| Faceit | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1692 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,055 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1307 | 22% |
| Smokes | 2164 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 1316 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1268 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $401,321 of utility $89 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 75 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chrome Bumper | 75% | 12 |
| #2 | Counter Scrub Global Orgasm | 55% | 11 |
| #3 | demarcus | 55% | 11 |
| #4 | cluckes | 54% | 28 |
| #5 | Capy | 53% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Counter Scrub Global Orgasm | 55% | 11 |
| #3 | demarcus | 55% | 11 |
| #4 | cluckes | 54% | 28 |
| #5 | Capy | 53% | 15 |
| #6 | Jdawg | 51% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jdawg | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | Chrome Bumper | 1 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cluckes | 128 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #2 | Jdawg | 22 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #3 | demarcus | 17 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #4 | Chrome Bumper | 13 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #5 | Counter Scrub Global Orgasm | 11 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chrome Bumper | +1.16 | 88 | 43 |
| #2 | Capy | +0.30 | 63 | 16 |
| #3 | Glyde | +0.04 | 57 | 53 |
| #4 | cluckes | +0.00 | 64 | 58 |
| #5 | demarcus | -0.23 | 72 | 63 |





