








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 50 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
999 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,061 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 576 | 19% |
| Smokes | 870 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1272 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 343 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $618,320 of utility $206 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 319 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Glyde | 55% | 11 |
| #2 | MapleTea | 53% | 38 |
| #3 | MapleTea | 50% | 10 |
| #4 | TcD Victor | 50% | 40 |
| #5 | Jdawg | 33% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | MapleTea | 53% | 38 |
| #3 | MapleTea | 50% | 10 |
| #4 | TcD Victor | 50% | 40 |
| #5 | Jdawg | 33% | 12 |
| #6 | PuTPuT | 31% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TcD Victor | 4 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | PuTPuT | 1 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | Glyde | 1 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MapleTea | 102 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #2 | TcD Victor | 45 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #3 | MapleTea | 27 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #4 | Glyde | 17 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #5 | PuTPuT | 8 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Glyde | +1.20 | 68 | 59 |
| #2 | TcD Victor | +1.01 | 63 | 47 |
| #3 | MapleTea | +0.04 | 56 | 53 |
| #4 | MapleTea | -0.22 | 37 | 48 |
| #5 | Counter Scrub Global Orgasm | -1.99 | 35 | 49 |





